Deb: You were not doing an onion snigger
Isobel: Is Graham Norton Irish? I just thought he spoke funny
Ally: Oh! Lily Allen isn't Lily Savage!
Phil: I never bite them, I only ever lick
Lorna: Do you think Doctor Who will be better in HD, or should we watch it in normal D?
Debbie: Just go and Google 'turtle tube penis' or something
Paul: Do you watch Heroes?
Ally: No, I eat them
Ally: I'd love to have sex with me because breasts are so cool
Sarah Alessi: So basically, she was married to her husband
Question Paper: When is it acceptable to take drugs?
10 year old child's answer: In the morning
Jon Rogers: I think if someone stuck a thermometer up my bum, I might bite someone
Ally: You did Latin? Why did you to Latin? You didn't go to private school!
Rich Hook: Because if the Romans ever invade, they won't just go to the private schools
Jon Rogers: There a fewer plates of genetalia on Strictly
Hannah: Don't be throwing odd numbers into my even number joy
Isobel: If I have to stop talking about wee, you have to stop talking about vampires
Hannah: I think Lego's better than porn, personally
Dr Kate: What's this? Garlic Bread? It's not garlicy or bready
Hannah: I'm so glad that no-one puts me on TV
Jon: Aaah, Cheryl's wearing Christmas sperm earrings
Rachel: Do I sound more Northern Irish through a microphone?
Kate P: I don't want boobs on a National Rev Hoody
Hannah: Do whatever you want with your willy, but don't touch my ears
Rich Hornung: I like awnings. I wouldn't call them awnings. I just did. That was a random series of words
Thor: Rich's G String is too tight
Pippin: Where do our do do dos fit with their do dos?
Rachel: You really shouldn't watch porn with your inlaws
Peet: I always read out loud in my head
Deb (to Matt): Matthew, go and wash your brain out!
Hannah: I've got magic eye boobs
Becky B: Oh, I always try to involve monkeys as much as possible
Kate P: I'm about to have a small panic attack, now that you've seen my bananas
Rich Hook: You haven't lived until you see a frog having sex in HD
Kate P: I love not being drunk, it's the new drunk
Gavin: If you like cameltoe and biceps, then Gladiators is the show for you
Kate P: I don't like feeling too overdressed, I like being a scruffy cow
Deb: Can we talk about God?
Matt: I'd quite like to finish looking at cable ties first
Hannah: Do you have Earl Grey?
Ally: No
Hannah: Do you have tea?
Ally: Yes
Hannah: I'll have a hot chocolate
Ally: I don't like to go in backwards, so I go in forwards
Emma Welf: Jacket potatoes are so boring aren't they? Halfway through I'm like... urgh!
Rich: Eastenders is all incestous. In Hollyoaks they just sleep with each other and die
Isobel: What's a sex swing?
Mar'yn: It's a swing you have sex on
Isobel: I don't want to suck it... Don't quote it!
Kate P: I think it might be time to let go of my GCSE revison notes, it's gonna be hard
Isobel: My fingers and arms hurt. It's like I've got arthur-itis
Paul: That Sharpie pen advert doesn't work because I don't think David Beckham cares what pen he writes with
Isobel: He can't write, can he?
Lizzie: ...and I ended up wearing accidental crotchless panties
Doctor Liz: You were clutching at some of the most major straws there
Dee's Barndance Man: Whatever you do, don't change sex during the dance; it causes confusion and we're all confused enough
Dee (on her wedding day): I'm moist, just what every bride wants to be, moist
Gavin: I need control over my underwear
Paul: You're a pleb
Christine: I know... What does it mean?
Hannah: That's not entertainment, it's just nudity
Rich: Jess is like Gandalf in Rev years
Doctor Kate: I may as well not have arms, they're so weak
Ally: I suppose he is predictably fit, but not the fit I appreciate
Hannah: I'm not sure my brain can cope with conversation much longer
Dr Kate: Is it wrong to fancy people because of their dogs
Hannah: Am I here? I don't know where I am
Hayley: I'm a nurse, I can scare vomit back into people
Hannah: I'm not worth piss
Isobel: Now I'm gonna feel really uncomfortable. I just want to eat the sausage
Thor: They're sensible, they purchase before they procreate
Stephanie: I don't really do prostitutes
Kate P: I felt bad the moment it came out of my mouth
Ally: What would you do with 250 plastic penises?
Kate P: I love you
Thor: I have a healthy affinty for you
Kate P: Muller Lites are everything that is wrong with the world today
Thor: What's that rule the world song called?
Kate P: Somewhere out the is the man that finds my pyjama bottoms and wellies sexy
Bev: Am I allowed to get my muffin out in here?
Emma G: Is it weird that I'm attracted to men with silver hair?
Ed: I've never been dead in all my life
Isobel: How am I going to streak on cruches?
Anna & Stephanie: Slowly
Isobel: If you keep on pulling it, it will get hairier
Hannah: You're good at wood
Martyn (after being explained to about how the French language works): Isobel, you've just said a whole load of words I don't understand, and they weren't the ones in French
Hannah: If it wasn't pleasurable, then they wouldn't jump on each other all the time
Hayley: Who are those people waving at?
Thor: Is it God?
Rich: You need lots of spit to be Welsh
Mike: Is Thor hot on the inside or the outside today?
Thor: Definitely the inside
Hayley: A lot of people use wee as a bargaining tool
Bev: What would happen if we had real fun, rather than just taking pictures and writing quotes down?
Rich: What was the point of getting your lips ready for that?
Jenni: Oh, my feet have swelled and my shoes don't fit... oh no, they're just on the wrong feet
Kelly: I can't help that I'm glow in the dark
Mike B: Jenni's shower is like being pissed on by a mouse
Hayley: I don't see men in make up as attractive, I just see them as men in make up
Mike: It makes me feel less bad about speeding when I've got God coming out of my stereo
Thor: I call that bird. It's a heron. It's all mine
Mike (while driving through the Cumbrian hills): Isn't this cool
Thor: I've done it like 5 times
Mike: So? It's like sex... it doesn't get horrible if you do it again
Rich: I love how Thor is more competitive in a car
Ben P: 'Dave Duke is a loser' is not one of the Rev values
Dave: you've done your brain buttons. Next steps in Brain Gym, trying rubbing your breast buttons.
Phil: Would you like a chilli crisp?
Paul: No, ta
Phil: Good, because I like them and don't want to share
Martyn: Sjertsje? That's not haw you spell your name, surely! What kind of foreign are you?
Sjertsje: Thor's a bit more Dutch than me
Thor: She's more Dutch than me
Phil: It was fun, in a really posh way
Skinner: Imagine having sausages you could write with
Jen Madge: Do something? I'd rather just swear about it
Hannah: I don't understand people who ski
Rich: My package is always pleasing
Rich: Are you trying to be sexy or have you got a cold?
Rachel: Police scare me and I haven't done anything... recently
Ally: Are you still going to be a fireman, Sam?
Paul: Can you pass me a couple of sweets... That's three! How many do you have in a couple?
Rich: Three, on a good day
Ally: Hang on, don't put it in yet, you'll bruise my legs again
Emmie A: I need to rearrange my package
Ally: My liver. It's quite useful. I enjoy having it inside me
Rich: Steph Beech; She got more northern as the WIM week went on
Phil: I've already seen puppet sex tonight and I don't need to see it again!
Hannah C: Would you kiss a pigeon?
Mar'yn: My banana's really skinny
Ed: My banana's really fat, check it out!
Paul: This is a rainy kind of snow
Phil: It's called sleet
Hannah C: I don't mind Rev girls seeing me naked, it's the general public I have a problem with
Mar'yn: I have standards, they're just low
Doctor Kate: WIM? Oh, that Weekend In May...
Paul: No... but close!
Doctor Liz: I had to throw away two bras today, I had wire skewerage of the armpits
Emma Gersexy: Sometimes I don't know how I have sex, it's gross
Katy P: I'm sorry, I seem to be allergic to your hair
Rich: I don' know how I feel about conservatories
Katy P: I suck at sucking
Hannah: I wasn't naughty at school... it was too much effort
Katy P: Where is London Rev based?
Ally: I was offered a job in a lap dancing restaurant. I turned it down, it was in Barry and hard to get to
Hannah C: Come and be happy and clappy please!
Rich: What is there in a sex museum... Is it interactive?
Hannah C: It's great, we've got naked people on tap
Rich Horn: Most penises have a sound effect
Alex J: i've got a camera that takes pictures
Mike: What are historians called?
Hannah M: Teachers are asexual. What does asexual mean?
Mike: That did look a bit like a haunted womb, didn't it?
Doctor Kate: Sometimes I talk to people about thier grandchildren, sometimes about their rectal bleeding
Rich: Gareth Gates... I'm actually allergic to him
Emma Gursexy: My type of man is tall and dark... and kinda fit
Hannah: I'd never actually do actual voluntary running
Rich: He seems like a third person person
Hannah: No, you don't zoom into my boobs
Lizzie: Burger King chips are well too salty... it's like a heart attack in a packet
Ally: We spent an hour doing one hole cos it was so hard
Lizzie: He sang "you keep me hanging on"... it's the ironicy of it
Shell: See you at the quiz... better get squatting
Lizzie: If I ever have a baby I'd like to have a caesarian cos they can do that keyhole surgery now
Jenni: My shower is so crap that I'd get wetter if I spat on myself
Amber: What, is it like I've got a cider penis?
Rich: It's a bit better now, but it's still hard
Paul: Should I come round now?
Rich: I'm just eating a cereal bar, but that won't take long
Claude: I tend to avoid vagina related conversations
Katy: So do I, but I'm in one right now
Matt: Can I play with your wee wii?
Sarah Ash (on her wedding day): Everyone's looking at me
Emmie A: I'm basically a bloke with a fanny
Katy: By the time you get to the last one, you are basically having a girl with a penis
Rich: I've not left Britain in 12 years
Emmie A: You've been to Wales haven't you?
Katy: Are we talking dirty like Eastenders or dirty dirty?
Emma Nikkers (to Peet): I don't miss you rubbing that against me in the morning
Katy: It's much easier going down isn't it?
Emma Nikkers: You normally roll your eyes when I say megapixels
Gavin: Don't you think Ferne Cotton looks like a Chinese house?
Rich: I don't get it, I think I need a vagina
Hannah (National Co-ordinator!): You'll find Burpee in different positions and various states of dress in the different choirs
Rich: Quick show of hands, who knows my desire?
Ben Parker: Give me a nod if you're comfortable with your parts
Thor: The colour depth on my camera is very... not deep
Mike & Paul: Shallow?!
Mar'yn: Westlife... They all have names?! To me they were just Westlife 1, Westlife 2, Westlife 3...
Dee: You give you vadge a good old lick, there's a good girl
Rich: I love Emma's house, it's like Next has exploded in it
Emma G: After my laser eye surgery I'll be like a cyclops
Paul: But you'll have two eyes...
Emma G: I'll be twice as good then
Hannah: In my head Apple own the rights to i-anything, but then I realised that it's just the letter i.
Paul: London just doesn't stop, does it? I mean, who would do things at three in the morning?
Fi: I dunno. Gangs? Cool people? ... Da Hood?
Gavin: I thought you were home for a week
Paul: I am. Wednesday to Wednesday
Gavin: That's not a week, that's two half weeks
Katy: There's nothing in my drawers that isn't wood
Tara: You don't have to be mature to get married
Rakel: I need to pee myself
Jenni Farge: I have drippage out of my bottom
Rich H: My brother doesn't look like he's walked into a wall, he's just ugly
Fi: Text Speak should be limited to those between the ages of 11 and 15
Anna: My Boss is the rudest person I know... and I live with Martyn!
Dee: I'll only talk about myself in a dirty way
Jon F: So it's just drinking sperm that gives you cancer then?
Martyn: I was once stopped from going into a gay bar for not being gay
Rich: What?! Did you not talk or move?
Adair: Do you know what I found out today... It's illegal to have sex with an animal. I never thought it was illegal, just ill advised
Hannah: I wasn't very accurate in my horn portrayal. That was a very tired and lazy horn
Sam: I'm jealous of people who lie on my breasts cos I want to
Hannah: I can't imagine a world where you don't know Kelly
Mike: There wasn't enough bikinis at WiM
Katy: I've got a genetic hole
Rich: I don't want my penis discussed in someone's back garden
Mar'yn: I'm in my own little world at the moment. You're all there, you're just not talking
Alex Jenner: I'd love to go in a car wash, not my car, me. I like being unbelievely clean
Ali: He seemed quite normal. Well, as normal as you can get for a person in Rev
Mike: Imagine if you were so fertile that you could impregnate a man
Rakel: My cleavage, it's not that bad. I've seen worse
Hannah: Trying to touch each others bits, fine. Picking each others noses, no
Jon: I am the organ
Hannah: I was a bit further towards the lesbian side than I would have thought
Rich: They would have loved you in the 70s, Martyn
Mike: I had one ball too big and one stuck on my finger
Kate G: I do talk about breasts, but it's now a hobby rather than a profession
Debbie: We have lots of balls left, you can just eat balls
Mar'yn: I assumed it was called Chinese Whispers because it was made in China, like every other game
Emma N: I think you have to have a womb to truly appreciate chocolate
Mike (while watching Pimp My Ride): Is that Time Westwood? I've never seen him properly; I've only ever seen him on the radio
Emma K: I've got to go to lectures tomorrow...
Paul: I've got to go to work tomorrow...
Liz: I've go to go to Australia tomorrow...
Sarah: Come and help me balance on this ball
Tara: I can't, I'm getting pregnant
Katy: I think Jesus would love a chocolate hobnob
Rich: Everyone goes through a stage of wanting to collect Disney videos
Mike (to teacherpaul): I thought you'd gone to bed, so I creamed myself
Katy: I'd rather shove my hand up a cow's arse than have bum sex
Katy: It always makes me feel clean and healthy when I watch Dawson's Creek
Katy: I would rather eat my own poo than be in the audience of Grease Mania
Anna: I always forget that I'm not at home when I'm at work sometimes
Jon: You're wipiping poo of your bum, so why does the paper have to be posh?
Rich Hoare: I would say I'm freezing my nipples off, but I left them on the bus this morning
Christine: I really couldn't be a penguin. I guess it's just as well I'm not one
Martyn: Judy? Which Judy? I know a lot of them... Punch and Judy being the main one... and Judy Finnagan
Kate G: Trampolining, that's excercise I can cope with... That and running towards the chocolate
Thor: Do you think teachers are the rudest people in the world?
Katy: No, it's just Martyn
Hannah: I don't do nothing often enough
Anna: I don't think Mikey will be touching my boobs much this year
Hannah: I like you, you're all Fridayey
Martyn: Jon, I couldn't live with you, your bedroom is messy and I assume you are messy in other places
Jon: I trim!
Martyn: I meant the kitchen
Katy P: I can't say rude things right now, you have to be wholesome while wearing a cardigan
Tim H: I'm quite innocent, particulary when it comes to teabags
Katy P: It took me so lok to catch up with all the tossing off lingo, and now that's all out of date
Anna: If it was five minutes of embarrassment to hug Kate, or ten weeks of my life to hug Dermot, it's ten weeks, every time
Martyn: I've got a memory like a fishbow, one ended and full of fish
Dee: I was so distracted by the shower curtain, I forgot to poo
Martyn: I do have a sense of guilt, just not when it comes to oral sex
Anna: Anyone who earns less than 6 pounds an hour should not be allowed to audition for the X Factor
Thor: I thought there was ketchup in my beard, but no, my hair's ginger
Katy T-P: I can't fancy anyone from Eastenders, I assume that they smell and have grease in their hair from the cafe
Gavin I: Can you believe that it's been a year since last year?
Jane: The Break Up? Is that the film with Rachel Aniston in?
Tara (to teacherpaul): You're hot and work with children , that'll make a woman's womb skip a beat
Robyn: Is his name Thor Wald-Stein or Thorwald Stein?
Tara: I really want someone to jump out of a cake for me, male or female,I don't mine, but Jessica Simpson would be the best!
Emma K: I used to have Ronan Keating's birthday as my pincode
Anna: I think girls have an advantage over boys, they are always gonna be more attractive... they've got breasts
Jules: How awful would it be if you were allergic to your own head?
Anna: I really wanna see that car film... what's it called?
Paul: Cars
Chrisi: Part of me would really like to be rejected by Jonny Depp
Paul: I can't believe you've been on a sunbed, I never have
Dee: Me neither, I don't agree with them
Paul: Oh... What changed your mind then?
Dee: I wanted to be brown
Anna: Threesomes are never gonna happen if one of the parties is called Donna
Hannah: He looks fat, but then when people play the trumpet, they do look fat
Phil: Feeling Hot, Hot, Hot... if this song didn't exist, life would be slightly better
Hannah: It was so crazy, it turned my brain inside out
Dee: Teaching... it's not a real career, it's a Lego career
Alex: Talking of cricket, how's the FA Cup going?
Dee: My favourite topic of conversation is poo, all the time and you can quote that!
Jenny I: Can you get rabies by playing the Jaffa Cake Game?
Dee: Ben squeezes mine wrong too, it annoys me
Emma: I've not seen Finding Nemo because I don't like fish
Dee: That's what put me off being a lesbian, someone else's period, I have enough stress with my own!
Anna: The best way to put off shoplifters is to ask them for help...
Phil: Oh... I always get asked for help!
Dee: It's Mum and Dad's 32nd wedding anniversary this year! How long is that?! ... 32 years
Ali: He's so camp that... after three seconds you realise he's camp
Paul: I've climbed up Snowdon too many times
Jules: I've not been up it, but then I've never been to Scotland
James: There's not many things you can mend by poking them with a large pole
Jules: It would be cheap at half the price...
Sawa: Her boobs annoy me, her face annoys me, her voice annoys me... I just don't like her
Hannah: Everyone's in the wrong if you don't like them
Dee: I don't judge a lot of people... that's a lie, I judge everyone
Adair: When I'm sad, sometimes I read your quotes and they remind me of the good times
Sawa: How many is 13?
Paul: Oh, they're doing that thing with bicarbonate of soda and vinegar in film cannisters
Anna: It's better in pigeons
Dee: That's not what a giraffe looks like... oh, that's because it's a leopard
Anna: I never thought Kenilworth was a real place, I just thought it was somewhere you passed through on the way to Leamington
Dee: When you're wearing sunglasses, people can't see you, you're invisible
Mike Marks (to tp): I'm sure you used to be taller
Dee: Until I was 14, I believed I could fly
Jon Finnis: It's hard to know how to eat them without getting sticky lips, I guess you just have to lick them
Dee: I'm more of a Christian than you... and I don't even believe in God!
Jenny I: I don't know how to get our cd player off repeat, I just listen to the same track again, and again, and again...
Simon Cowell: Shayne, I think you could be the biggest male solo artist in Britain
Dee: What? Bigger than Robbie Williams...?
Ty: Bigger than the Spice Girls?
Dee: X Factor is just kareoke...
Paul: ...a bit like Stars in their Eyes...
Dee: I was gonna be really stupid and says "Yeah, like that show with the smoke...", but you can't quote that, I didn't really say it!
Dee: Will & Grace Series One... this is the first series...
Anna: At least two or three times a week, I stand there, holding my nipples, trying to do it with my foot
Ainsley Harriot: ...the joys of Christmas...
Dee: NO, AINSLEY HARRIOT, not the joys of Christmas, it's only November!
Anna: I like stroking furry things... are you really allowed to quote people who are drunk?
Dee: I think Alex is more from Amersham than I am, but that's because I'm not from Amersham
Someone: I don't remember Knightmare
Dee: Neither do I, except I always think I do cos I get it confused with Dungeons and Dragons
Tara: Sometimes do you have that thought... "I don't want to look hot today"?
Dee: All the people at my school are Christian, except for the ones that aren't
Dee: I'm not a fan of Blur, so in my head, no one likes them
Dee: The way it's going, it'll end up that only dirty, smelly, fat, ugly people will be on TV
Phil Thew: I think I like Dairylea, but I don't
Dee: No matter how pretty you are, you always end up old
Ian: I can sing when I can't see
Dee: The other day I was talking... to myself. I thought I was talking to someone else, but then I realised it was me
tp: Are you "Alive, Alert, Awake, Enthusiastic"?!
Hayley: None of the above... except for alive... possibly
Dee: My kids are going to suck stones and eat worms. What kind of human being are you if you haven't eaten a worm?
Hannah: I don't like Coke, it tastes of brown
Gavin: He's so weird that when he's normal, it does my head in
Lisa: You might be my ex-housemate, but that doesn't give you the right to undress me
Josie: I love watching people with not many clothes
tp: Ali, imagine you're a chicken...
Ali: Quack
Tara: The acid test to whether you fancy someone is if you can imagine kissing them. If you can, you do fancy them
Hannah: He was blantently a lecturer, did you see his jumper?
Dee: Fern Britton, I'd like her to be my mum... but with my actual mum too... but not in a lesbian kinda way
Tara: I'm really not a public transport kinda person
Dee: I wish i could see my hands as if they weren't mine... I'm not sure if I like them or not
Tara: This chocolate is making me broody, I definately want a child
Ali C: I think of myself as a boy sometimes
Dee: Everyone can find someone to marry, just some people have to lower their standards
Teacher Peter: Teaching, it's a great form of contraception
Dee: For the sake of arguement, yes, you can eat babies
Hannah: I like philosophy, it's the way it makes my brain go pfffft and then stop
Dee (if she was on Big Brother): I think it would be easy to edit me as bossy and opininated
Hannah (to teacherpaul): You have a funny brain, I like to let it all spill out
Dee (in Homebase): Oh! Screws! I don't need them, but I just like them
Haribo Kid: I thought that was a parking space over there, but on closer inspection, it was a Micra
Emma Guratsky (on Dry Your Eyes, Mate): I don't like this song, it makes me feel guilty, even though I haven't done anything
Gav: Toxic? I'd have bought the single if I wasn't into illegally downloading music
Emma K (in Burger King): Burger King have minging chips
teacherpaul: You can't say that
Emma K: Why not? They can't spit in my food now, I've already got it
Tara: I love being on the Internet, I always go and show my friends and go, "Look, I'm on the Internet"
Emma K: When I went to Germany, the people weren't that German, except for the old people
Dee: Why are bright people so ugly?
Emma K: When you look at old people you can't work out which ones were fit and which ones weren't, so why do we bother? We all end up minging in the end
Tara: You know when your face feels like a bag of ming...?
Dee: I think I could do with some emotions, it would improve my life
Hannah: I can't describe Scouse... It's like having a sneer in your voice, but a nice one
Fresher Tim: Russia looks very like Disneyland
Laura (at 5 to 11): Why is there only one hand on my watch?
Hannah: I'm swearing a lot today, it must be a Saturday
Tara: I can't stand eye contact... It hurts me
Dee: If I was a cave woman, I'd have been out there, searching for meat, none of this staying at home nonsense
Hannah: I love living with Paul and Dee, it's like having permanent entertainment without needing electricity
Dee: If the world was a primary school, it would be a happier place
Gav: Don't you find sunflowers a bit creepy and a bit fake?
Hannah: It freaks me out when people's faces are half mouth
tp: Isn't there a child in your class from the Netherlands?
Dee: No. He's from Holland
tp: Liam, have you ever randomly pulled someone?
Liam: What? Today?
Dee: Ultimately you can't chose who you fall in love with, but they can't be under six foot
Jenny I: Mmmm, community... my life is just one big buzzword
Sarah: There's not enough time to do everything in the world
Gavin: Even women don't understand themselves, that's why they're such bad drivers
Dee: I'd be a rubbish goth, I touch my face too much
Sarah: I don't think he hates us... he just likes other people better
Dee: I always spell my name wrong in exams
Sarah: There was a spider in my pyjamas last night
Gavin: Yet another reason not to wear pyjamas
Claire Garleaky: I'm not a flirt, it's in my personality
Paul: So the nurse told me you shouldn't use anything to clean your ears at all
Gareth: I don't think I use anything to clean my ears. Well... mebbe my finger
Katy: Oh, you look like you've converted to Muslimism
Bronny: Nipples, they're quite trendy aren't they?
Rachel: Do you not hate scrambled eggs on planes?
Alex: Yeah, I prefer them on toast
Gareth: There's very few people we know that we don't not know yet
Jules: I feel like a film star because I'm wearing sun glasses
Gareth: I feel dirty
Jenny I: As in dirty? Yeah?
FT: Oh, I've got to practise standing up
Jenny I (nee LW): I think as a kid I did maths cos I was bored... it was better than doing nothing
Jules: I always feel clever when I pay for things by cash, but it's not really clever at all
Jenny LW: I don't really like pets, if you're gonna spend time on something then surely it should be human
Adair: I don't understand this Ikea thing, it's just furniture
Laura: I don't know how to eat strawberries
Irish Craig: Fi summing up uni in five words "Blonde, blonde, blonde, blonde"
Media Ali: But Fi's got brown hair...
Fi: 1am is the new 11pm really
Jules: Ballroom dancing is quite sexy, it would be a good place to find a husband
Sawa: I think maybe I'm the youngest person in the world
Sponge: Rugby's well funny, they just hit each other
Becca T: If people haven't seen my pink wellies, then they haven't really seen me
Sawa: I'm sure screaming must burn calories
Welf: It said on that sign that you can't take baggage on the rollercoaster... do you think that includes emotional baggage?
Sawa: I was gonna say I could never go out with someone with the same name as my brother, but that's cos I don't have a brother...
Fresh Boi Tim: Spaghetti Junction, it's one of the best signposted places in the world. It's something to be proud of as a country
Gavin: You've got a lot of problems in your head...
Mummy H: I've got nothing in my head
Michelley: I feel really weird crossing roads, I feel like I can't do it anymore, after living on campus
Mummy H: Ooh, the cuter things are, the higher my voice gets!
teacherpaul: Oh, I need to go to the Post Office
Sawa: Oh, I need to post my pants
Gavin: No one's said I look like Beck for ages now
Mummy H (reading Tara's T-Shirt): 'Von Dutch'... Make of clothing or a band?
Tara: Make of clothing, I'm not that cool
Michelley: If anything doesn't taste nice, you know what the answer is... heat it up!
Tara: I definately agree with Ian's phrase... now what was Ian's phrase?
Mummy H: My brain doesn't work in the morning, it barely works in the afternoon
Laura J: I didn't think they existed, boys schools, girls schools and boarding schools. I thought they were only in Enid Blyton books
Fin Boi: A day out at Ikea is great, there's a restaurant and it's really cheap
Neil: Is that because the food comes flatpacked?
Michelley: You need a balance between work and play... it needn't be an equal balance
Holly: teacherpaul, you remind me of the bloke off Teachers... but maybe it's because you're a teacher... and a bloke
Jen Madge: The key to revision is different coloured pens, if you use different coloured pens you will pass the exam
Jules: A primary school with more than one class in a year...? That's crazy, it's just wrong! How do they all fit onto the playground? In my head, playgrounds come in standard sizes, four classes each. They must have multiple playgroundage
Sawaaa: Solihull sounds like it should be in Liverpool...
Jenny LW: I reckon it's in Manchester
Jules: Why are all the cars driving in the right hand lane...? Oh, it's a dual carriageway
Sawa: In that respect, women are probably just like men, only different
Spenny: People should only be allowed to be pregnant if they have names that can be made to rhyme with something that means pregnant
Sawa: ...he's got a funny shaped head, he looks like he should have a cycling helmet on all the time
Katy Tyth: Do you think Sugar (A local Nightclub) will have a toilet?
teacherpaul (you'll get this if you know me): Jon made this t shirt for me!
Top B Neil: You do realise that hundreds of dogs are chasing after that last sentence?
Jules: I don't realise i'm so blonde until it's written down
Matthew: I'm just as much French as I am English
Jules: There is nothing better than finding a good pair of jeans... actually, there are some things that are better, but it's definately up there
Jules: I went to a really nice Thai restaurant on friday
teacherpaul: Why would you go to a restaurant that serves clothes?
Jules: I don't get it... give me a minute... I will get it... clothes? Oh, oh, I get it... Hee hee hee
Andy T: I think it's worth not getting married just to avoid being tied up naked somewhere
Emma Nikkers: Do you do that thing where you see a cat and jump over it? I always think I see a cat at the top of the stairs and jump over... and then I realise we don't have a cat... and then I think 'Dur, moron, we don't have a cat'
Megs: When I walked into 'the bar' I felt very short because of all the tall tables
Laura J: It is really cold when you get near the fridge... I've never experienced that before
Jenbo (via MSN, this one is for teachers): no maths revision session
teacherpaul: we had that last term
Jenbo: id love another lecture on the three part lesson plan though, haven't quite grasped it yet
Sawa: We went to Tesco's... there were 7 of us, because that's what you do when you're freshers...
Talia (on the top b mic): Could all the cheerleaders come to the DJ booth please... that's not you teacherpaul
Becca: My boobs have nicknames, Shannon and Bob
Sawa: I'm not middle class, I'm middle clarse.. I'm not middle clarse anyway, am I?
teacherpaul: I think Rachel's gonna be a wicked president
Sawa: I saw her in Tesco's today... obviously that backs up your point...
teacherpaul: I'm not sure if I should quote that, I don't know if it's funny...
Sawa and JM Michelle: Quote that
teacherpaul: Quote what?
Media Ali: If she was male, I'd have an affair with her
Fin Boi: You've got a pint of purple
Katy Tyth: Yeah I've not had it for years... it tastes just like a wednesday night
Media Ali (to Fin Boi): At least you don't get morning hair anymore, you just get it all day
Gavin: Does that mean stop?
Hannah: The red light? Yes, darling
teacherpaul: There was a bloke in the toilets with my 'funky' t-shirt on
Gavin: Are you sure it wasn't just a mirror?
Mummy H: Cheer up, life's not that bad... and if it is, it's only because you're dressed like a townie
Liz Joy: Essex is in Kent... no it isn't, Essex is in Essex
Media Ali: Can I see my plughole please?
teacherpaul: Isn't WiM wickedy? WiM is so wickedy!
Jon Gibbins: WiM is certainly knackeredy
Ellie: I'm getting really freaked out by my own toes
President Rachel: If I could walk, I'd hop over there
Mummy H: I like stubble on men, it shows you where their chin is... not that you can't see them anyway
Sawah: ...so anyway, please don't quote that cos it was quite mean
Jules (via MSN): sendin ya big huggies. when i sd huggies i meant hugs yeh not nappies... just in case ur wonderin
Sawa: What would you do without me, your website would be a shambles
Ian: May I compliment you on your gentle persuasion? It was indeed gentle and persuasive, despite not being pertinent
Sawah: Was looking at your website today and thinking...I haven't said anything funny in a while, what's going on?
Catherine W: I really wanted to fart, but I didn't want to with Paul here
Kathryn W: If it was this windy on my wedding day, I wouldn't get married
Laura J: I want to be a turtle
Kathryn W: Oh look, Cheddar Road... hee hee... I'm so immature... Mr Mouse, Cheddar Road... hee hee
Mummy H: See, that's the type of line that makes me want to be a big man
Fin Boi: I always picture her as a big pants girl
Adair: You need to take up smoking and get less stressed
teacherpaul: I call Sarah 'Sarah Smith' to distinguish her from all the other Sarahs I know
Jenny LW: Yeah, me too... although I only know two Sarahs... and they are both called Sarah Smith...
Adair: I was thinking, just now, in the shower...
Naomi: You had a shower? I'm well impressed
Jen Madge: My life would be boring if I couldn't swear
teacherpaul: Are you saying you want babies to pop out of you now?
Si Orr: Well, not right now
Sarah: I love sitting on sofas... yeah!
Si Orr: Imagine your name was Emma Roid, how bad would that be?
Fi: All the quotes on your website are me being blonde, there are no intellegent ones
Mummy H: Aw, we didn't make the monkey noises
Laura J: I've got a Take That song in my head... how did that get there?
Becca T: I'm sorry, but I can't eat with the doors open
Fi: Tescos is much more fun than Costcutters
teacherpaul: Someone is missing from this list, there is nine people in our dance
Media Ali: Oh, I assumed there was only eight because of beats in a bar and things
teacherpaul: I think your boyfriend is wicked
Rev Rachel: Pardon?
teacherpaul: I think your boyfriend is wicked
Rev Rachel: Oh, I thought you said weird. I was going to agree with you
teacherpaul (singing): Which finger did it bite? This little finger on the right...
Media Ali: Good job it wasn't the left, or it wouldn't have rhymed
Jon Fin Boi: There are a lot of funny names in Wales, I always thought Merthyr Tidvil was a made up place
Media Ali: I don't really like dogs, it depends if they want to bite me, if they do, I don't want to meet them
Jon Fin Boi: Is Paul short for anything?
Mummy H: I love MSN, it's made giggling alone in your room acceptable
Kevin McCloud: Living on the beach is something that appeals to everyone
Becca: Really, even people with a phobia of the sea?
Fi: Newsreaders... my favourite is George Alagiah, oh no, Fiona Bruce, because she's called Fiona
Fi: Rhona, it sounds like Fiona, but not as nice
Laura: You see that house there? Doesn't it look really flat?
Rev Rich: I feel like Hugh Grant, but less posh and annoying
Paul: Becca's thinking of having a pancake party
Andy: Oh, what day?
Sarah (to teacherpaul): I don't know what it is about you wearing a shirt and bow tie, but it makes your eyes look bigger and you look like a monkey
Alix: Guess what!
Paul: You're wearing pants?
Alix: No! Well, obviously i am, but no
Gavin Rymill: What is the point of a disc jockey if he doesn't actually jockey the discs?
Hannah: I'm too tired for boys
Fi Kellagher: I'm not very good at embarrassing other people, only embarrassing myself
Becca T: Do you know what? My favourite book in the world is the dictionary
Catherine Wright: The reading is from Matthew 2, page 966 in the 'pew Bibles', or rather, the 'chair Bibles' now
Jules: I was thinking of inaugrating the Ice Cream Maker, except we have no freezer, so we'll put that idea on ice (cue fits of giggles) ... oh dear, it's tiring being me
Lois Lane: I havn't done anything wrong, I never do anything wrong... they are just happy accidents
Jules: Nice plan, Stan... Except your name's not Stan
Sarah: I think I'm actually having withdrawal symptoms from washing up
Emma Guratsky: What was the name of the James Bond film with Octopussy in?
Sarah: Every time I hear 'I think', I think, 'I think therefore I am'
Hannah: Everything is worth a rest after you've done it, even another rest
Gareth: Have fun in the pub, don't drink too many units
Sarah: The thing that's difficult about writing essays is that I don't actually know what I'm talking about
Gareth: Is this song by Justin Timberlake? I always thought it was a girl singing
Paul: 'Baby on Board: Please be patient'... do people really drive slower when they have babies?
Jenny LW: Yes, because they are tired and irritable
Andy T: What is the point of having a dog if it's smaller than a cat?
Lisaloops: Everyone needs their Lingerie... except for men
Jules: Oh, there's a bin... we don't like bins
Paul: If you want a long lasting name you should use one from the Bible, like Daniel or Joshua
Laura: Jezebel?
Jules: What's the idea, Stan...? No, that's not right
Lisaloops: There is a lot of Fi quotes on your website, I never realised she was so blonde
Fi: Tim's got a whole file of pictures of girls on his computer
Simon Orr: Any girls want to be hookers?
Jon Rogers: I think IE6 is the most broken browser since Netscape 4
Paul: Yeah, we play 'note chicken' in lectures. If you write notes first, you lose!
JM Kelly: Well... technically you win because you remember it, write it in an exam and get a degree
Sianeybaby: I can't find my Rev t-shirt, I'll stand out!
Paul: Why don't you hide at the back?
Sianeybaby: But I don't want to, I'm an exhibitionist
Grace: Do I smell of mackerel?
Talia (on the top b mic): As it's Christmas, here's the Darkness' new song
Hannah: Oh! Is this the Darkness' new song?
Jenny L-W: ...there was a big church next door, but I didn't go in because I don't like churches
Hannah: I was thinking about when we did drugs...
Paul: When was that Hannah?!
Hannah: In secondary school... oh no, that doesn't make it sound better
Sarah the Draper: I can never believe how cold and horrible it is... and then I always remember I'm in the West Midlands
Michelle: Will there be any Altos there?
Milli: Oh yeah, loads
Michelle: Ok... Will there be any Altos that actually sing?
Milli: Ok, so my plan for the afternoon, well, Plan B, because Plan A never works
Fi: Liam, just because your arms are around someone doesn't mean you are going out with them. If it did you'd be going out with half of campus
Sarah: One of the symptoms is memory loss... oh no it's not... I can't remember what it is...
Hannah (via text): Help! I've entered sparkly stationary heaven in Selfridges!
Milli: You look like you've just got out of bed... Not that I know what you look like just out of bed
Sarah (who happens to be a fresher): I'm so funny, I'm glad I'm me, I crack myself up
Fi Kellagher: I really need to get some more girlfriends
Sarah: Have I thought about a boy in the last 24 hours? Yeah! In the last 24 seconds!
Mummy H: I don't argue with maths... I just let it be
Gem Splash: Guess who was in Tang's Dad's restaurant last night... Beyonce!
Phoebe: Tang's Dad owns a restaurant?
Jen Madge: That was the least exciting bit of that story
Sarah the Draper: There are far too many pieces of paper on that table for my liking
Gem Splash: In the National Curriculum there is no Ma1, just Ma2 and Ma3
Sarah the Draper: That is so typical of maths people, they can't even count
Mummy Hannah: I always need your site to remind me of my genius
Paul: I'm not sure I like those 'Baby on Board' signs...
Mummy H: Yeah, they're just like an advert saying 'I'm fertile'
Amy Smail: £1.30 for a bottle of water?!! You could buy the reservoir for that
Sianeybaby: I always want to lean over backwards in a very short skirt
Fresher Tim: It's times like this I wish I had more knees
Jules V-S: My sneeze won't come out, it's just lurking in there
Fresher Sarah: I wish I was called Stanley Fish
Science lecturer: Like poles repel and like poles attract
Paul: That doesn't look like a very nice Creme Egg
Mummy H: At least it doesn't have ants in it
Jon Finnis (to teacherpaul): Can you touch your nose with your tongue? You look like you should be able to
Hannah: They look like giant Transformers
Mr Gavin: Transformers were giant
Hannah: But they looked so small on the television
Fresher Sarah (to teacherpaul): You don't look like what I thought you would, you're a lot thinner
Science lecturer: These are solar powered, which means they run on batteries
Jules V-S: I really like garlic and I really like bread... but I just can't stand garlic bread
Andy T: Oh no, I've never had a Migraine... unless I've had one without realising
Jenni B: It feels like it should be Week 8... I can't believe it's only Week 2
Laura J: I heard someone burping next door today, honestly, it was really loud... I think they must have some sort of burping illness
Solene: Is Peru in Brazil?
Laura J: That's not a good distribution of pepperoni
Solene: Small disco balls are better than no disco balls at all
Alex McD: Solene didn't know the Pope was Catholic
Solene: But I did know he is the Italian Stallion
Solene (to teacherpaul): I was just saying to Sarah at the bar, it's nice to see you once in a while because I don't get annoyed with you, but I've had enough of you already
Liam Jones (King of Quotes©): Please excuse me while I take my Malaria tablets
Fi Kellagher Megamix...: It's a nice place in my head, I go there quite a lot
Fi (...again...): *cough* *splutter* I never get ill... *cough* ...I'm not ill... *splutter* ... but it does hurt to breath
Fi (...here's another one...): I wore a crossover bra the other day, it felt like I was in a cage
Fi (...and another...): I feel naked without my car
Fi (...and one for luck!): Oh, look, the Top Banana banners light themselves up (before realising it was just lights shining on them...)
Becca T: Beer in a plastic cup... it looks like cider... or maybe beer
Jules V-S: Could you carry this plastic bag? It's ruining my style
Jon Loose: Some days you're the pigeon, some days the statue
Fi Kellagher: No. There is no film called Twins! Who's in it?
Paul: Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito
Fi Kellagher: Oh. I've seen that
Fi Kellagher: What star is that? Is it Mars?
Becky P: Darn this travel-induced sleepiness
Fresher Sarah: Tell you what, cheese is the answer to everything, why have Christian bands when you have Ronan Keating?
Fresher Tim: Haven't had a Fi quote on How Life Is... for far too long
Fresher Sarah: Never use random in a negative way please!
Fresh Boy Tim: hahahaha gareth's a post-grad
Gareth Irvine: less of the post grad, I'm currently a nothing, according to the university, they won't let me take any books out!!!! it's outrageous
Adair: If I was on Big Brother... I'd want to be known as the naked preacher
Mummy H: I love stationary, I never go into Staples for fear of never being able to leave
Laura J: You never need a reason to eat chocolate
Lois Lane: When the going gets tough, the tough eat chocolate, when the going gets rough, the rough look rough
Lisaloops: ...plus the fact is that we're all sexy, so we'll be fine
Liam Jones (King of Quotes©): Oh yes please, let me loose in Costcutters with a fiver
Paul: Why isn't he fat?
Jenny L-W: I don't know... maybe he has worms
Jules V-S: Imagine if I was on Big Brother... that would just be awful
Laura J: I hate time... when it passes me
Paul: I don't know her
Nikki B: Yes you do, you had chinese with her yesterday... oh no, you're not Lois!
Nikki B: You never have to explain because your friends will understand and your enemies won't care
Paul: We should have swear box and you pay when you winge about your course...
Lois: But I'd never be able to say anything!
Child (11) in school: If he doesn't give me my jumper back, he'll be dead for the rest of his life
Jules V-S: I laughed so hard I nearly died
Matt Whitley: Well try again, it might work this time
Nathan Gunn (The Jaffa Cake King©): Schlong... It's the daddy of all words
Mummy H: I'd love to see my aura... I wonder if it would be rainbow coloured?
Nikki B: Some people just aren't meant to be mothers
Paul: What? Like men?
Paul: Something's burning, what's burning?
Lois Lane: My passion for you...
Gareth Irvine: Can you imagine eating so much chocolate that you died?
Kathryn Wilkinson: I have Sky. I just bought Sky. I don't need Sky. Why did I buy Sky?
Fresher Tim: u are the king of randomness teacher paul and yes u can quote that
Jules V-S: I've just decided, Justin Timberlake is actually quite fit...
Fresher Tim: So Fi will have droven past my house quite a lot
Paul: You are sooooooooooooooooooooo funny!
Fi Kellagher: Not intentionally. Funny by dizzy default
Mummy H: wait for the genius please, it cannot be rushed
Fi Kellagher: ooooooooh I like the fi fighters.....unless....does that imply people should fight me for some reason?
Gavin Rymill: The question that no-one asked in the whole millionaire trial was 'What sort of name is Tecwen Whittock?!'
Teacher Hannah: I was thinking about msn and realised, out loud, 'its like brain talk'
Gareth Irvine: I'll kill you in your sleep!!! muuuaagggghhh!
Fi Kellagher: I'm learning to remember to say things in my head instead of out loud
Jules V-S: I feel quite naked without my phone
Fi Kellagher: They don't look like pizzas, they look like slices of carpet with peppers on them
Paul: I don't sign my text messages with a 'P'
Nicky Tackley: That's because your name doesn't start with a 'P'
Matthew Whitley: I like Fi. She's great, hot and perfectly proportioned
Gen Smail: Like the Scully woman off X-Files...
Liam Jones (King of Quotes©): Felicity Scully?
Jodie Harrison: Your website is the thing I like best about you...
Sarah Mate: Snogging is allowed in the Chaplaincy as long as it's with stuffed animals With thanks to Becky P!
Jon Loose: A Bright Light in a Dark World (talking about teacher paul!)
Lisa Airey: Rambo the Pooh? No, that doesn't quite work...
Child (8) in school: You don't get paid much do you? I wouldn't be a teacher, I'd be a lawyer, they get more money
Paul: I've written 549 words of my essay, and they're all crap...
Lisa Airey: It can't be a very good essay if you've written crap 549 times
Lois Lane: I'm tired, I've burnt the candle at far too many ends
Fi Kellagher: Matt Redman? He's really ugly
Jules V-S: When I was eight, I used to think that the Trinity was like Aquafresh toothpaste
Emma G: I'm not licking it in a Chinese restaurant
